Working on a bloggerific makeover, y'all, so bear with me as things shift and change and disappear and reappear like magic.
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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

PYHO: When Enough is Enough

I keep a lot inside.  Pretty much everything.  Even my husband has a hard time getting me to come clean about how I feel.  Don't get me wrong, I'll give you an earful of opinions on this, that and the other, but when it comes to my feelings, it just doesn't happen.

I cried at my doctors visit this week.  Cried.  Yes, you should have a horrified look on your face, because this is one of those "no-feelings" things that comes standard on your Karly.  I just couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't pretend that I was OK and totally, 100% sane.

I can't smile anymore, or laugh.  I can't keep up that Sure this hurts it's the end of my pregnancy pains but I'm a trooper! look anymore.  It's so much more than that.

I tried to stay off the meds because I thought I was strong enough to get by, because I wanted to breastfeed.  I just knew I could make it six weeks like with my other girls, and I wanted to treat them all exactly the same.  Give them all the exact same start in life they deserve.

But when you spend almost every waking (and sleeping) moment in utter despair from crippling pain and a desire to harm your own children that you can barely's time to seek help.

Yes, I did say it.  You may never know what it's like to get so angry you can actually SEE yourself doing the most horrible things possible to your children.  And you may never know how it tears you up inside, tears ME up inside, to think those things, or to even remember thinking those things like I am doing right now.  And as I am typing this I am trying to not cry, or even appear upset, because my "no-feelings" tell me to not let Rudy see I am upset on the other couch.

When people see me with my girls and with my giant stomach, they always kind of giggle and ask me how I plan on surviving.  I want to tell them I don't plan on surviving.  I don't want to grin and bear the jokes and the heaving sighs of good luck they pass in my direction.  I want to punch them, kick them, kill them.  And when the girls start acting up, I want to do the same to them as well.  I've told people that I will be like those crazy mothers who drive vehicles into bodies of water and we'll all drown, and they think I'm kidding.

I'm not kidding.

So I am going back on a heavy dose of anti-depressants, and will formula-feed Baby #3 when she arrives.  In a way I feel like a weight has been lifted from me, but I still feel guilty for making this decision, as though I have failed my child.  I already feel like I've failed my other kids, and I knowknowknow it's a bunch of bologna to think like that, but until the medicine kicks in I know I am going to have to struggle with guilt that shouldn't be placed on myself like that.

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Saturday, April 16, 2011

Still here folks!

First, I would like to welcome all my new followers, I am so glad to have you here with me!  And second, I'd like to apologize to everyone for my extended absence!

It has been a crazy time around here, and I have a lot to report on, so I will do my best to not spam the crap outta everyone.  One step at a time.

I did revamp the look of my blog a little bit, and that will continue slowly until I feel satisfied, so keep checking it out and let me know what you like and what you don't think is working for me.  Time is ticking down for Baby #3 to arrive, and I can't seem to get caught up on anything anymore now that I've bloated up to a 42 week size uterus thanks to diabetes...again.  So I spend a few minutes working on anything and get so worn out I can barely function!  Ugh!  Really makes me want to tie my tubes.  Really.

And on that note, I am going to go lay down and try to relieve the pressure from my once-broken-now-stupid rib of d00m.

Here is a cute picture to tide you over for now!

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Monday, April 4, 2011

Who could possibly resist...

Kitten cuteness?!?!

kittens one

kittens two

kittens three

kittens four

kittens five

They are beyond annoyingly cute.  I just want to cuddle them all day long, but not only would the Mamas get mad, but I would die from my allergies.  It would be worth it, though.

Oh yes, very yes.

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Sunday, April 3, 2011

New Toys!

Ohhhhhh happy day!
Not only did I get a wonderfully awesome and overdue massage this morning, but I finally had some time to play with my new toys!

What new toys, you might ask?


I played around with both today, and I think I am going to really enjoy using these in the future, especially when I try to finally get some "family" photos.  In case you haven't noticed, there are pretty much ZERO photos of all of us together.  It's either me and the girls, Rudy and the girls, or Rudy and me.

So, like I said, Yay toys!

Here are a few photos that I took today while playing around.

Sporting that 32 week belly, oh baby oh baby.

Oh look!  It's me and the girls!  Ha ha ha, Rudy was at work anyways.  I took a bunch of photos with the girls and then discovered afterwards that we were far off-center, and so Delaney was cut from most of the photos.  Sadness.  So this was the best photo.

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Saturday, April 2, 2011

Why are cats dumb?

My cats are captains of the Hide-and-Seek squad.  Seriously.  They are absolutely determined to not keep the kittens in a nice, cozy box with soft, cozy blankets.  Instead, they want the kittens to live inside the mattress box frame to our old bed that also resides in the same room as they.  So tiny kittens are spread out between the slats, looking all cute but completely impractical for nursing.  Yesterday my husband and I spent almost two hours trying to locate a new hiding spot for the kittens.  In the end I found them, in the closet of the girls' room, behind a precarious pile of toy parts and a tiny shopping cart.  In the corner.  I should have taken a photo of it, because I ended up putting all the kittens in the shopping cart to move them back into their kittening box, and it was super cute.

And funny too, when I discovered one of the kittens had it's head stuck in the cart bottom.  Like a kid and a banister, except I didn't need any butter to get the kitten out.

Now, the kittens are back in the box frame again.  So annoying.

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Friday, April 1, 2011

Ultimate Blog Party: Join The Fun!

Hello everyone!  I'm Karly Gomez!
Me with camera

I'm a small town Northern girl living in the big city Southwest, raising a family and trying desperately not to melt under the scorching skies.  I'm an extremely amateur photographer, crafter, and oh yeah, blogger too!  I spend most of my time tinkering with electronic toys and playing with my girls as I live as a SAHM.  I'm from a small family with a huge extended family and I love to travel to see anyone and everyone I can.  I'm a former Airman, bartender and alcoholic, and a current preggo, lover of all things photography and kitten wrangler.

Hubby Supreme:
Rudy cowboy hat

Rudy and I have been married since July 25, 2009, and he is one helluva man.  Loyal, funny and super loving, there isn't a single person who hasn't liked him after meeting him.  He's a server and bartender and also a student working toward becoming an NP in an ER setting.  He's great under pressure and handles intense situations well.  He's also a great companion to my grandfather, who struggles with some form of dementia, and a great relief to my grandmother, who enjoys the distractions.  I may be the super independent type, but I would be completely lost without him.

Las Chicas:

Afton by pond

Afton Carrolena was born in December of 2008, and has been a hell-raising delight ever since.  OK, maybe not so delightful in her "terrible twos" stage, but she's still pretty cute.  She has Rudy's love for all things food, and my love for all things sugar, and a just general love to say Hello and wave at absolutely everyone she sees.

Delaney playing

Delaney Virginia was born in May of 2010 and is a total cuddle monster/love machine.  It's great.  She has just started walking and greatly enjoys chasing her sister around and rough-housing till someone (usually her!) cries.  She also has a love for food (thank God for that, I was made a picky eater), and will very literally scream her head off if she sees someone eating in front of her without sharing.  Otherwise, Delaney is a fairly quiet child carrying a loud smile.

Me with baby bump

Baby #3 is due this May, and scheduled to arrive exactly one week after Delaney turns One.  Aye yai yai!  Also a girl, her name will likely be Vivienne Selene, and we cannot wait to meet her.

My blog is about anything and everything; be it crazy things my girls do, my opinion on something I've witnessed, to photo challenges and personal endeavors.  I plan on doing so much more this coming year, including some super fun giveaways, so I hope you will take a moment to check me out and to say Hi!  I really look forward to meeting you and getting to know what is special and important to you!

Thank you for stopping by!

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